Lil’ Guardsman – a Visitor’s Guide to the Sprawl 🗺️🎫

From the vast deserts of Kaladar, to the 8-bit vistas of Fireball Canyon, our world has many acceptable travel destinations. But are you looking for fun? Looking for adventure? Then the Sprawl Tourism Board invites you to level-up your travel game, and experience the wonders of our fair city for yourself! Yes, THE SPRAWL is the destination that truly has it all!*

Home to a diverse population of humans, elves, goblins, and other species; this cobblestone cosmopolis is a hotspot for commerce and entertainment. It’s the official seat of our monarchy, as well as the source of the power crystal innovations that are changing our world!

From our award winning establishments* to our world class accommodations*, we invite you to take it all in. Not sure where to start? Here are some crowd pleasing* destinations to help you plan your itinerary.

* Not validated

The Twisted Sisters Tavern is the best watering hole this side of Little Ogre Town. One guest described their drinks favorably as “cold and stiff,” while another patron described the guest rooms and beds upstairs the very same way! Owned and operated by two local humans, this budget-friendly grub hub and watering hole caters to every class and creature. From kings to criminals, The Twisted Sisters Tavern boasts a real “who’s that?” clientele.

In the mood for food? The Twisted Sisters Tavern has you covered. Line cook and co-owner Ema will be more than pleased to whip you up their signature dish, a room temperature plate of eggs and oil and lemon. Looking to take the edge off of a long hard day? The barmaid and co-owner Arta’s the one to talk to. A friendly smile and some down to earth advice aren’t the only things she won’t give you, as it’s very hard to get her attention and glassware is scarce.

So whether you’re looking for a romantic spot for that special night out, or a public place to end a failing relationship, The Twisted Sisters Tavern should be at the top of your list!

Being an archaeological wonder, (not to mention the site of the requisite field trip for every Sprawl eighth-grader), a trip to the digsite is not to be missed for any fan of the fantastical. This scientific facility and excavation is a real treat for historical types. This gateway to the past blends the most modern, up to date technological innovations of today with the charm and culture of the Sprawl’s ancient history (read: sand). Researchers led by the Sprawl’s pre-eminent academic Dr. Beatrix Von Matterhorn are hard at work procuring power crystals, and advancing their application – part of making the Sprawl the political powerhouse it is today. These advancements are changing every facet of life in the Sprawl today, and their tools of the trade are literally littered all over the place.

Who knows, maybe you’ll be responsible for the next groundbreaking discovery while standing shoulder-to-shoulder with press-ganged eighth graders as you sieve your way through your eleventh barrel of excavated sand! Feel free to explore to your heart’s content, but watch your step around the unmarked fissures and pits that give the facility its charm.

From sporting events to live presentations of athleticism, the (soon to be renamed) Goblinball Stadium is a glittering jewel in the crown of our fair city’s grossly mismanaged infrastructure and entertainment budget. Almost any day of the week you can catch the Sprawl’s own professional Goblinball team the Sprawl Brawlers running practices, playing home games, or holding press conferences apologizing for their player’s scandalous behavior.

Be sure to stop by one of its many concession stands for snacks, drinks, and overpriced commemorative knick-knacks! Don’t miss the larger than life granite statue of legendary Brawler Eddie Greenblort, the only Goblinball player in the history of the game to commision a statue of himself. Every Thursday is riot night, so dress accordingly.

Can you smell that sea air? Can you hear the screeching gulls all around? Can you feel the excitement of all those merchant ships bringing wonders untold from distant lands? You’ve clearly made your way down to the Sprawl’s illustrious docks!

Stop in to play three card monte with questionable characters, try a flight of beers at the pirate themed brewery aboard the good ship ‘Fermenter’, or, if you’ve got the stomach for it, place a bet on the illegal fish fights frequently found at this floating fantasia.

(Editors Note: the authors of A Visitor’s Guide to the Sprawl do not condone the barbaric practice of illegal fish fights, although it must be noted that one of our writers paid off his catapult last month betting on them.)

Sea breezes and tropical palm trees meet shifty grifters looking to read your palm – at the docks you can get anything… for the right price.

Come to the Sprawl! Experience that perfect blend of history with all of the modern conveniences you’ve come to take for granted. No matter if you’re traveling for business, pleasure, treason, or a mix of all three, The Sprawl is sure to have something for every visitor. Just make it through the screening process at one of our gates and you’re sure to find out why The Sprawl is this year’s premier travel destination.

The Sprawl: Discover YOUR reason for being here!

We hope you are excited for Lil’ Guardsman’s release date announcement happening soon. In the meantime there are a few things you can do:

◦ Wishlist Lil’ Guardsman on Steam
◦ Play the free Lil’ Guardsman Demo on Steam
◦ Join our community on Discord
◦ Follow our socials for news, behind-the-scenes content & more
◦ Tag us on socials when you post about Lil’ Guardsman

💜 GLHF,

Versus Evil Community Manager – Rezza/Sydney